


du er ikke alene

by hyp3r10n



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, it's basically just even's point of view from what happened in o helga natt and minutt for minutt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-10
Updated: 2016-12-10
Packaged: 2018-09-07 16:41:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8808196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyp3r10n/pseuds/hyp3r10n
Summary: Even goes for a walk and decides it's time to give Isak an answer.





	1. o helga natt

Even couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was that made him walk to the place where they first met. He’d needed to get out, he could feel himself suffocating and logically a bit of fresh air should help with that. The weight on his chest didn’t disappear.

He sat down on the bench, the wood cold against his legs. He closed his eyes for a moment and if he tried real hard he could almost feel Isak sitting right next to him, Isak’s thigh pressed against his. In another universe, maybe that was exactly how it was, but in this one he was alone.

With a shuddering sigh he opened his eyes again and retrieved his phone from his pocket, the numbers 20.17 glowing back at him against a black background. He’d had a picture of him and Isak before, but after Isak had told him to stop messaging him he couldn’t bare to look at it anymore, knowing that he’d screwed everything up. That he’d scared the man of his life away. Because he was ill. And Isak didn’t need mentally ill people in his life.

But then Isak had called and Even didn’t know what to think or what Isak wanted to say. He’d imagined the worst case scenario of course, Isak saying goodbye. That it was too much. That he didn’t want Even anymore. So he hadn’t dared calling back, because he couldn’t handle the rejection he knew was coming.

And then he’d gotten that text.

_Tried to call you. Hope you’re okay. Give me a sound when you feel like it ♥_

When he unlocked his phone their text conversation was the first thing to show up, naturally since he hadn’t closed down the messaging window since he received it. He had read it over and over again, trying to decipher what it actually meant. What that heart means for them now.

He hadn’t answered yet, not knowing what to write, what could possibly express how sorry he was and how much love he had for the younger boy, with his angelic locks and beautiful eyes and sweet smile and strong jaw that he so loved to trace with his fingers, his skin always so soft.

With another deep breath, trying to gather some courage, he began typing.

_Dear Isak. Now I’m sitting where we met each other for the first time, thinking about you. Soon the time will be 21:21. I want to say a thousand things to you. Sorry for scaring you. Sorry for hurting you. Sorry for not telling you that I’m bipolar. I was scared of losing you. I’d forgotten that it’s not possible to lose someone, that we’re all alone anyway. Another place in the universe we’re together for all eternity, remember that. Love you. Even_

He hit send before he could think too much. 20.25. He locked his phone, sticking it back in his pocket but still holding it in a tight grip, just in case those vibrations indicating a new text or a call would come through.

-

It turned colder with each passing second. He didn’t know what the time was, he didn’t want to pick up the phone look because he knew being met with no notifications indication Isak had answered would ruin him right now, but he knew he’d been sat there for a while now.

On shaky legs he stood up, heading towards the nearest entrance, hoping to find the door unlocked. He couldn’t leave just yet but it was too damn cold to sit outside. Luckily the door hadn’t locked for the night and he went in, his eyes immediately finding the clock on the wall. 20.55. If he hadn’t heard anything by 21.21 he would leave. He would go home, crawl into bed and let his heartbreak consume him.

-

21.18. His head hurt.

21.19. His stomach hurt.

21.20. His heart hurt.

21.21. He could feel the tears burn behind his eyes as he took up his phone to make sure that Isak hadn’t sent him something and he’d missed it. He was only met by a text from his mum asking him where he was and when he was coming home.

He pocketed his phone again, not answering his mum since he would be home soon anyway. He’d been sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall watching the minutes pass by with every tick of the clock hand. It was all over now.

He swiftly stood up and rounded the corner, walking down the few steps that led to the door, his eyes firmly cast down on the ground. As he opened the door he was met by the cold winter air, stinging his eyes and biting his skin. He almost liked the pain of it, it distracted him from the ache in his entire body that was slowly but surely consuming him.

He looked up for just a moment and stopped in his tracks.

_Isak._

He wanted to run up to him, bury his face against Isak’s neck, wrap his arms around him and never let go but he couldn’t move. It wasn’t until Isak started taking tentative steps his way that his legs seemed to start working again and took agonisingly slow steps forward.

Isak stopped right in front of him, bringing their faces together, their noses touching. Even wanted to press forward and kiss him but he didn’t dare to, he wanted to reach out and touch him but he was afraid. Afraid that anything he’d do could break the spell and Isak would turn around and walk away. So he stood there, eyes closed and just breathed in everything that was Isak. It was like he’d been drowning and he finally made it up to the surface to breathe in that precious air. Isak was his oxygen.

As Isak cupped his face Even opened his eyes again, meeting Isak’s gaze and he could swear that Isak held the entire galaxy in his eyes.

“You’re not alone.”

Even had to close his eyes again to not let the tears spill over, he really didn’t want to cry right now. Not when he had this beautiful boy in front of him telling him that he wasn’t alone. Isak was right there with him and he could feel the ache on his heart beginning to slip away.

They just stood there, breathing together. It could have been 2 hours, 20 minutes or just few seconds for all Even knew, the concept of time totally lost on him as soon as his eyes landed on Isak. He could feel his breath catch in his throat as Isak brought their lips together in a soft kiss. And then another one.

Even had a fleeting moment of panic as Isak drew away, _no don’t leave me_ , but then their eyes met and all he could see was love and then Isak put his arms around him, dragging him into a tight hug. Even pressed his face into Isak’s neck, breathing in Isak’s smell and bringing his own arms up to hold him close, his fingers clutching the fabric of Isak’s jacket like a lifeline. It felt like coming home.


	2. jeg redder deg tillbake

Even had no idea how long they stood there, the rain hitting them harder and harder for every passing minute but he couldn’t care less in that moment. He just wanted it to never end, that he’d never had to let Isak go again, so when Isak dropped his arms and started pulling away Even outright refused to play along and just tightened his grip around Isak.

“Hey, just look at me.” Even didn’t move for a few seconds before slowly pulling away, hesitantly uncurling his fingers from the fabric of Isak’s jacket.

He unsurely looked at Isak, his eyes sweeping all over before settling on meeting his gaze. Isak gave him a soft smile at that, once again reaching up to place his hand over Even’s jaw, his thumb rubbing against his cheek.

“Let’s go home, okay?” Even just nodded, not sure if his voice would hold up if he tried to speak. Isak dropped his hand from Even’s face and used it to take his hand instead, intertwining their fingers. Even looked down at their joined hands and couldn’t help but smile a bit at the action. When he looked up again Isak smiled right back at him and leaned forward to press another chaste kiss against Even’s lips. When he pulled back he gave Even a look the closest to a non-verbal _ready?_ as it could get and at Even’s nod he turned around and started walking with Even trailing half a step behind him, their hands still linked together.

-

When they got to the apartment Even was a bit worried that the others would be home, he didn’t think he could handle facing them and explaining himself to them right now. He would if he had to, but he’d rather not it’d be after ten pm in the evening when he hadn’t even properly talked to Isak about everything yet.

Luckily for him, Eskild and Noora were out and Linn was locked up in her room, most likely already sleeping. They kicked of their shoes in the hallway, but didn’t bother taking of their jackets as Isak lead the way to his bedroom. Well inside Isak dropped his hand and Even immediately missed the warmth and the connection, but followed Isak’s example of taking their outerwear off.

“Do you want anything? Food? Something to drink?”

Even swallowed before answering. “Water would be nice.”

Isak nodded and left the room to go to the kitchen and Even sat down on Isak’s bed, looking around at the familiar walls. God, the last time he’d been here they’d been happy. They’d been good. And he fucked it up. He rubbed his hand over his face as he took out his phone, sending off a quick text to his mum telling him he was at Isak’s before turning the phone off and laying it on the floor next to the bed.

Isak came back a minute later, a glass of water in his hand that he passed over to Even, who took it with a quiet “thank you”. Isak sat down next to him on the bed, placing his hand on Even’s thigh and rubbing his thumb in a comforting motion.

“What’s wrong?” Isak asked, though quietly his voice was loud in the otherwise quiet room. Even stopped drinking his water and brought the glass down, gripping it with both hands, his shoulders slouching down as he curled into himself.

“It’s nothing… I, I just-“ he could feel his voice breaking and he stopped talking all together, not knowing what to say. He barely knew himself, he just felt so… unworthy.

“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s just go to bed,” Isak said as he took the glass from Even’s hands and stood up to put it down on his nightstand. Bed. Right. That he could do. Even stood up to remove his jeans, Isak doing the same with his. Isak went over to turn of the ceiling light as Even slid under the covers. When Isak joined him in bed he laid down on his back, opening up his arms in a silent invite for Even to snuggle close, which he happily accepted.

He laid his head down on Isak’s shoulder and put his hand right over Isak’s heart, needing the feeling the ground him. Isak started drawing patterns on Even’s shoulder and brought his free hand up to hold the one Even had laid on his chest. A small sigh left Even as he pressed closer, bringing his leg up to intertwine their legs and with that he started to fall asleep.


	3. minutt for minutt

He hadn’t slept this good since before his mania had kicked in. He had slept, a lot when he finally dipped, but it didn’t leave him well rested. It only took a few seconds though for the guilt to kick in, as his eyes flickered across the room, _Isak’s room_ , to finally land on Isak that was looking right back at him.

“Hey,” Isak said. Even turned away.

“Hey.”

Isak asked if he was hungry. Even answered with asking what the time was.

“Like half past ten or something.” Even couldn’t decide where to look. He wanted look at Isak so bad, but he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. He wasn’t worthy. He was going to fuck it all up again. Isak deserved better.

“I should go,” Even said, still not looking at Isak properly. He wouldn’t be able to say what he needed if he did.

“Why?”

“Because I don’t want you to lie here and feel like you have to look after me.”

“I don’t feel like I have to look after you. And what’s wrong with that?” Even didn’t want to call Isak a liar, but he knew he wasn’t telling the truth. Even knew he was burden, especially in this state. Why would anyone willingly put up with that.

“There’s nothing wrong with that.” He let out a deep breath. “I just don’t want you to lie here, being sad.”

“I’m not sad,” Isak croaked, his voice so very quiet.

“I just know this won’t work.”

“Why are you saying that?”

“Because it’s true.” He looked over at Isak, actually meeting his gaze this time. “I’m going to hurt you. And then you’ll hate me.” He could survive not having Isak in his life, just knowing he was happy, but having Isak hate him because he was a mess? He’d never forgive himself for that.

“No! You don’t know shit about how this is going to end. There could come an atom bomb and hit us in the head tomorrow and then this discussion will just have been a waste of time. I suggest that you stop talking about the future and we take this completely chill.”

Even just looked at him. Hearing that desperation in Isak voice and seeing the tears shining in his eyes made his chest hurt and he had been right. He did hurt him, but in a whole other way than he originally thought. Maybe Isak needed him too.

“Now let’s play a game,” Isak continued. “It’s like… It’s called Isak and even: minute by minute.” Isak brought his hand up to card it through Even’s hair. “It’s about that the only thing we think and care about is the next minute. Are you in on that?”

“Ok.” Even paused. “What are we going to do this minute?”

“In this minute we’re going to kiss,” Isak replied, earning a huff and a small smile from Even.

“It’s chill.”

“It’s chill,” Isak confirmed and then leaned in to to press their lips together, rubbing his nose against Even’s in the process. Even couldn’t help but sink into it, letting Isak consume every fiber of his body and soul and it felt like he could finally breathe properly again.

They laid close, Isak carding his fingers through Even’s hair, his breath hitting Even’s face every time he exhaled. It was soothing, all of it, and Even couldn’t help but close his eyes as he felt sleep taking over again. That was okay though, he didn’t need to stay awake and grasp for every second with Isak any longer because in this universe, with the white curtains, they had eternity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand that's it! As stated before, all mistakes are mine and I might go back and edit things later but for right now I just wanted to get this posted.


End file.
